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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 15:36:21 GMT -6
There were so many things to do - so many skills to learn, books to read and information to take in. Sevyrn was a lover of it all, as scary as such a thing could be at times. Over the last few years she had learned so much - how to do more than just draw, the basics of how to create jewelry, even a wide variety of skills that helped her while she was in the garden. There was always more to learn and Sevyrn would never willing stop learning, even in the moments where the frustration pushed her to want to give up. Nothing that she had grown to excel with had come without failure, yet she had urged herself to push through until she reaped the bounties that she sowed and gained both skill and confidence.
Today? Today she sat along the edge of the river at the docks, with her feet dipped beneath the shore.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 15:38:50 GMT -6
She had telling herself for ages now that she needed to learn how to swim. It was a strange thing to be afraid of, the water, yet her parents nor anyone in her life had ever taught her how to feel safe within the waves. It didn't make sense given how crucial a skill it was to have - in the wrong situation, the ability to get back to the shore could be a life or death matter. How little had her parents cared when they didn't teach her such a simple thing? Had they wanted her to drown someday?
It was a harsh judgement, one that Sevyrn quickly chided herself for thinking. If she was going to act that way it would only be right to blame Ryden for her lack of knowledge as well, and there wasn't a day in life in which she would be okay with blaming him for such a hting.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 15:43:51 GMT -6
Even sitting in relative safety at the edge of the docks had Sevyrn nervous - perhaps it was knowing just what she planned to do in the coming moments. She understood the basics of how it was supposed to work - one arm in front of the other, keep your head above water. Like most things it would probably be easier in theory than in practice, though. It was prudent to be wary of what could come from today.
Figuring that the longer she taunted herself with the water the worse she was going to feel about getting in, she stripped her shirt and shorts from her body to be left in a swimsuit and walked down off the docks. She would be just fine in the shallows - they weren't what had her worrying. It was getting so deep that she couldn't touch that had the young woman freaked out about what could happen.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 16:04:06 GMT -6
Despite the beating summer heat the water chilled her to the bone as she entered, and Sevyrn didn't dare to wander farther in until she had taken a moment to acclimate. As much as the cold was a relief after being in the heat for a couple hours working on her garden... yeah, she wasn't going any deeper right yet. After a moment she was finally able to move until she was knee deep, and she figured a couple more feet out wouldn't hurt her.
The anxiety struck after one step moved the water from hip level to waist level, and as panic and adrenaline started to rush through her system Sevyrn forced herself to stand still and breath deep - everything was going to be okay. The current was further out than where she stood, the water only moving in gentle waves. She was not in trouble, nor would she be - or so she had to tell herself that.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 16:08:43 GMT -6
She was safer here where she could touch - everything was okay. Everything is okay, everything is okay, everything is okay. Sevyrn repeated that mantra to herself over and over again until she stopped feeling her pulse throbbing hard in her throat, and then... it was time to get doing the thing, she supposed? After pulling her feet off of the river bed Sevyrn immediately felt like she was going to sink down, and she had to force herself not to panic as her head went under the water - panic is what would get her in trouble. Panic would get her gasping for breath and potentially breathing in water. Fighting the urge to freak out she extended her legs and pushed off of the ground so that she was back above, and then it was time to try again - without a bit of determination, she was never going to be able to learn.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 17:16:18 GMT -6
It was awkward at first - kicking her body up towards the surface and awkwardly trying to paddle her body around in the river. Even a plain as day doggie paddle to tread the water's surface was incredibly awkward, but Sevyrn pushed herself to keep trying - always making sure to veer closer towards the shore rather than out in to the depths. Her attempts to kick her legs broke the surface, splashing out around her, and Sevyrn found herself happy that she wasn't planning on going fishing here - or near here - any time soon. At least she would be able to take the time to teach Bez after this, though? There was that perk to it - Bez had moved from being her default pet to drag to the mines to being her fishing buddy, and it was only appropriate that he would need to know how to swim lest he found himself in deep water at some point.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 17:19:32 GMT -6
What Sevyrn hadn't expected was how tiring this was - no surprise that even well-trained swimmers could drown if there was no access to safe land or shallow enough water. She had heard that floating on her back would be her safest bet if she was ever stuck in such a situation. It took a lot less energy, just kicking her body up towards the surface and focusing on breathing deep while keeping her head above the surface. Getting tired of her doggy paddle, Sevyrn tried out that method of swimming - only to awkwardly bat at the water around her with her hands in an attempt to keep her core somewhat level with the surface. Even this wasn't too easy, at least to start. Once she had better technique and an understanding of how her body worked within the water, further attempts would likely becoming easier on her. If only she could get her heart to stop pounding....
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 17:25:14 GMT -6
It was probably a bad decision heading to the docks alone, in terms of safety. Sevyrn hadn't thought of that until she was already in the water and at that point it had felt too late to turn around and find a buddy. Besides... she was having a hard time in the friend department. Losing Ryden had made her mean to the people who tried to care for her - she'd severed ties in her grief that she wished she never had, and that she hoped she would be able to mend in the future once she was in a better place to be able to be good to other people. For now all she needed was her pets, and to work on something that kept her from focusing on what happened - perhaps that was why she had thrown herself so hard in to working on various pursuits.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 17:36:46 GMT -6
With time, floating on her back slowly came easier. Sevyrn found herself struggling to keep herself up less and less, and found that her movements were becoming more fluid and natural. As strange as it seemed to her, having never been a water bird before in her life, she was learning! She found her own excitement to be silly, but she was allowed to be excited and there was no one around her to act like she was acting like a kid. Screw anyone who dared to judge her, anyways. Once she felt a bit more comfortable - and a bit less worn out - Sevyrn flipped around to go back to the casual, awkward doggy paddle that definitely needed a lot more work. There was no way that she would be clearing swimming pools like this, but at least at a basic level she was able to keep herself above water without touching the ground.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 25, 2020 19:21:28 GMT -6
For a while Sevyrn simply worked with what she kind of knew and got comfortable in the water, even daring to venture out a little bit further than where she started. Imagine her surprise when she tried to put her feet down on the ground and she couldn't touch! Panic mode raced to settle in to her and Sevyrn had to fight it off as well as she could - she knew how to get back to shallow waters and everything was going to be okay.
So that was what she did - pushed herself to fight the panic and push her legs back up to help her move. The doggy paddle was a damn awkward move, but she was still able to go - and then voila! When she put her feet down, there was ground underneath her toes. Job well done... but it was definitely time to get out of the water.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 27, 2020 20:44:49 GMT -6
She skirted the shore to the dock, climbed upon it and wrapped a towel around her body only to sit down once more at the edge, feet dipped back beneath the surface. It had been weeks since the last time that she was there, watching the sky turn to dusky hues, and as she sat there staring at the darkening sky she found herself wishing for something so much different than the life that this world had given her. What had she done to deserve this? What had he done to deserve this? Sev ached to have Ryden's arm wrapped around her back once more like they'd always done before - he had never done anything but encourage her and push her to excel and try new things. She'd never thought that she would be without his peaceful presence ever again, especially after that night just two weeks before he died when he'd whispered sweetly in her ear that he had wanted to marry her.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 27, 2020 20:47:03 GMT -6
He had been the one to hold her when she came home shell-shocked the day she had gone down to the mines alone and nearly had a tunnel collapse in on her. He'd praised her art and pushed her to continue working on it even when her motivation slipped and she became more frustrated with her own capabilities to the point that she didn't want to continue. He'd spent so many days out in the garden with her even though it wasn't and had never been his thing - just to be there along with her. He was probably why she had started taking up fishing as a hobby - how many peaceful days had she spent sat on the grass by the river with her sketchbook in hand while he focused on the water in front of him, calm idle chatter here and there being all that they needed in order to be at peace with each other.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 27, 2020 21:12:07 GMT -6
Ryden had truly brought out the best in her, tamed the part of her that always seemed to be angry at the world around her. Now that he was gone she was getting angry again, pissed off that she'd somehow still managed to be left behind - by the one person who was never supposed to go. It wasn't his fault, she knew it wasn't his fault... he hadn't chosen to just up and walk away from her one day... but he'd still left her behind. How was she supposed to look at this world now when it wasn't done knowing that she would be able to run home and gush her little heart out about anything and everything she might want to, only to be met with smiles and laughs and that sweet, protective way he had always held her close? How was she supposed to live knowing that he would never sit beside her through the sunset again?
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 27, 2020 22:23:50 GMT -6
Ryden wouldn't want her to be moping, he would want her to be seeing the good in his memory. He would want her to feel at peace in his memory, he would want her to know that she was capable of more than she had thought was possible before she had met him - but he wouldn't want her to ache like this. It felt so utterly unavoidable, though. She was starting to be able to move through her days without constantly thinking of him and immediately hurting, but she still found herself wanting to break down every day. Sometimes she was home alone, where it was safe - other times she was in the middle of town, visiting one of the shops they'd gone to together for ages. Today she was simply in the water... wishing that Ryden had been there beside her to be proud of her for learning something new. He would have been so, so proud of her for facing her fears.
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Post by Sevyrn on Aug 27, 2020 22:58:40 GMT -6
Go home, Sevyrn told herself, physically shaking her head as she brought her hands to her face. There was nothing left to be gained out here other than to wallow in her own grief and self-pity, and she craved the comfort of her own space. Perhaps she would find a distraction back home - a book that she didn't struggle to focus on, a picture half-finished in a sketchbook still open on her desk, some plants that needed tending to. It killed her - wanting a distraction just made her feel like she was trying to forget him, even when that was the farthest thing from the truth. To Sevyrn it was like betraying Ryden - what he had meant to her, the memories that he had left behind - in favour of a life in which she could exist in peace without him. Life didn't stop moving, though - didn't care who came and who went.
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