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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 15:51:47 GMT -6
However, Morgan found that they trusted the judgement of the young draconic. Their bonded. It was a weird sensation. "A-alright then." They said, voice a little colder now. They started up on the rock again. It took another twenty minutes, nearly bruising their fingers. They cut one of their fingers open, and it bled a bit. Morgan wrapped up the cut finger, and then kept working anyway. Finally, after what felt like forever, Morgan finally chipped off a bit of the rock that revealed something glinting beneath it. They lifted it up to the light, and saw what looked to be a really dark rock on the inside of it. When they tilted it slightly to try to get a better look at that, they finally saw that it was indeed glimmering. "Oh." They said, quietly. The draconic leans forward to look as well. Perhaps this had not been a waste of time, after all.
[43]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 15:56:31 GMT -6
It turned out that there were a lot of things that Morgan felt like they were wasting their time with. Maybe they were. Maybe they weren't. It turned out that they were starting to re-think a lot of things that they had done before. Would things be different, better, if they didn't chase things to the end, like they did often? The human simply wanted to go back to the estate in the canyon a bit ago and just find a spot in the floor to lay down and ignore the world and try to piece together everything they broke so often (if it was even possible), but now this little gem was giving them a slight glimmer of hope that they probably hadn't had before. Of course, it was a fleeting good feeling. The human felt sick and annoyed all at once, not quite able to start feeling good about anything quite yet.
Sadly, this was effecting Endymion as well.
[44]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 16:02:52 GMT -6
Morgan often did that. Hurt people that things had nothing to do with. They never noticed it, though, and it didn't often seem to give them pause. Perhaps they really were a bad person. Of course, they hadn't even had the insight to know that until they realized that Endymion looked upset, suddenly. It all fell into place like a final puzzle piece slipping into place. Endymion's voice shuddered- "Did I make you upset?" he asks, head tilted. Morgan shook their head. "No-no, look, I'm just going through some s-stuff right now... Actually, scratch that, I'm always going t-through some stuff." They said. "I-I don't ever know what to do. B-but it is not your fault." They re-assured, voice soft.
Endymion looked a little forelorn, not quite re-assured by the comment. "Are you ever going to be okay?" He asked, voice tremulous.
"Probably not." They answered. "I'm sorry y-you're stuck here."
[45]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 16:07:10 GMT -6
Morgan wasn't even sure why they apologized. Sorry doesn't help anything, they knew. Sorry was often empty, and things were not fixable in this situation. No matter what Morgan did, Endymion was stuck with them. They were gross, toxic, horrible, and a nightmare. Why would anyone want to be around them? Especially not a draconic... It was part of Morgan's plan to let Vixie off easy and to stop coming around the Canyon of Eterra, because they were sure that they would ruin her life and make her miserable. They always made everyone miserable! This... Accidental thing that now had Endymion trapped with them was miserable for everyone involved. Morgan did not deserve to be around them, or at least that was not what they felt like.
Endymion looked sad, and Morgan couldn't even cheer him up, because they knew that in order to cheer him up, they'd have to cheer theirself up.
Today was 'one of those days' for them.
[46]
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Post by Nadia on Sept 3, 2020 16:15:33 GMT -6
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 16:17:11 GMT -6
Morgan hated their mental illness more than anything else in the world. It made them hate theirself, and there was no way that they could EVER crawl out from that hole. Nothing they did ever filled it, either. So they just kept trying at everything they could, throwing everything they could in the hole, and it never worked. It was like throwing potato chips into a black hole. They didn't feel like it was ever going to be okay, again. But they also knew that because of their unique situation, they were also going to probably not care about this at all in a few months, and even that frustrated them. Nothing was permanent, things ended. It wasn't something that they enjoyed at all.
And now that they finally had their permanence, all they could do was feel bad for the person that was chained to them, so young, too young to deal with Morgan's infinite problems.
[47]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 16:24:10 GMT -6
Morgan returned to the rock in their hands, feeling the world spiraling around them. They would live. This was not the end of the world. It was just another depressive cycle. They were going to be fine. However, it wasn't working very well. Still, they worked the best that they could on the stone, wanting to remove whatever kind of gem was in there. They were sure that it was a specific kind, since it had 'fire' in it. Instead of continuing to spiral, Morgan forced theirself to speak while they worked, letting the young draconic know about what fire was as a trait in gemstones. "S-so, I think this is a labradorite." Morgan explains to him as they chipped away at the stone. They tried to hard correct, knowing that all of this was just their mental illness (it made everything feel tiring and like nothing ever mattered). This was the best they could do.
[48]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 16:30:05 GMT -6
Endymion did his best to pretend not to be unhappy as he listened to Morgan's words. Obviously, something was very wrong with his human. He wasn't entirely certain of what the world was like yet, but he could tell that Morgan was not having... Something going on that he wasn't privy to yet. So he listened to Morgan deal with their problems by explaining some kind of concept to him or another, and tried to figure out how he was going to compensate for his human's strange... Problems from here on out. "The reason w-why I think it is laboradite is that it has this flash across the surface of color in the light. T-that property is called 'fire'. Certain stones have it. Like opal, ammonite, a-and of course, laboradite." Morgan said, slowly but surely, and having difficulty but pushing through getting the carrier stone off of the stone. "Not all gems have i-it, of course."
[49]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 16:33:49 GMT -6
Little Endymion wasn't entirely sure how to process all of this information at once. Of course, it was not really the gem talk, or even the talk about human society, that bothered him. It was the fact that he wanted to make sure that Morgan was fine, and of course he didn't know how to do that yet, and on top of that, he wasn't too sure how to disconnect their emotions from actually being the same as his. It was not good for an unformed mind such as his had been. It was exhausting trying to work with it. However, he knew that having a human companion was a gift. So what if his human was broken? He wasn't a quitter. Nevermind the fact that there was no way to unbond, and of course if either of them died, then the other would too. Like it or not, the two were now stuck with one another.
Endymion didn't feel shackled.
[50]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 17:15:22 GMT -6
Morgan knew quite a bit about draconic history at this point, and a small amount about the culture of draconics of course, and mostly they knew about the anatomy of draconics. They understood the ins-and-outs of different aspects of this situation, enough to feel bad about it, but not really much about how emotions really worked. It was a nebulous concept at best and they hoped that they weren't ruining the youngster before he even had a chance at life. They did not, however, know how to remedy the problem, or help in any way. Eventually, though, the rock was cleared away from the stone, away from the laboradite that Morgan could now hold in their hand and see, as if the fog had cleared, was certainly a laboradite like they had guessed previously it indeed was. Perhaps, perhaps they would be okay? They held it out for Endymion to see, and breathed out, trying to calm down.
[51]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 17:39:47 GMT -6
Endymion took a good look at the laboradite. He'd of course never seen one before in his life, and it was quite pretty, even if he did say so himself. It made him quite happy to see that his little hunch had been correct. Of course, he had thought that it would be something else that would be in it- something metallic. There must be something else in there that was causing him to feel like there was something metallic in there. Maybe the reason the carrier stone had been so difficult for Morgan to work through was because it had some amount of ferrous, or perhaps just rust, inclusion within it. He tilts his head quietly, and rumbles a bit at it, looking quite pleased. Morgan finally has a slight grin on their face again. Things would be okay. This would all be okay.
Endymion just had to believe that it would be.
[52]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 17:44:27 GMT -6
Now that the laboradite was out of the carrier stone, Morgan cleaned it off the rest of the way with the brush and tweezer set before putting it back into their backpack. They had three stones now, and hoped that eventually, they would find more. It was starting to become enjoyable that they were finding so many cool rocks, and all their own too! However, their arms were still shaking, and now were their hands. They didn't feel like they had the ability to continue on like they were. They had to take a break. Morgan stands up, placing a hand on the wall shakily for a moment, and then admitted to Endymion- "I think I need t-to take a break for a moment." With a tremulous voice. Then, suddenly, they laughed, like a maniac. They laughed until they cried, and then turned to Endymion. "Gawsh, today is a nightmare, isn't it?"
[53]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 17:46:33 GMT -6
Endymion wasn't sure how to deal with the rush of emotions the human was cycling through. He felt a little sick, but was sure that the human would go back to normal... Or was this normal? Was Morgan's actions on that good day out at the river actually fake? Was this what the human was really like? He had no idea, at this point, and it was absolutely terrifying for him to think about it. However, he knew that dwelling on it would not help. Instead, he vowed to find a way to make Morgan able to grow as a person. He just had to figure out how to do that, how to reign in this, control this. That was when he realized that he felt something- strange, in the human.
Morgan was not just a normal human, were they? He blinked at the realization, and at Morgan's strange laughter. That was not normal.
[54]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 17:49:06 GMT -6
Endymion had done a bit of research, using all of the means he had, while Morgan slept some nights at the estate. He had spoken with Vixie, his new 'sister', and had found that humans were meant to be lucky things- if they were the good ones. Of course, Vixie was completely sure that Morgan was a 'good one', and a true studier of the truths of the world. As he watched the human laugh until they cried, he realized something. Truth must be relative. People only knew what they knew, and nothing else. That was real life for them. It was different for each person. One person could view a person as 'good', and another as 'bad'. That made sense. It was really only what you made of the situation.
That was when he decided that despite this human obviously being defective, that they were HIS human. He knew that he would have to protect them.
[55]
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Post by Morgan on Sept 3, 2020 18:08:17 GMT -6
Morgan certainly may not have been thinking about it at the very second that little Endymion was, but they certainly thought of theirself as Defective. Would they ever be fixable? No. That was the downfall of humans. They had (often severe) flaws that would never be fixable. Humans were who they were, according to Morgan. People do not ever change. Like a pine tree, they can grow taller, they can grow around a fence, be struck by lightning, or even be stunted in growth, but a pine tree can never truly become an apple tree. That was Morgan's view on life. No one could change their truth.
Morgan's truth was that they had severe problems and should probably never be cared about.
However, Endymion was not privy to the knowledge that Morgan had such strict and probably wrong worldviews, so he would probably not feel the same way. He felt like people were perhaps too flexible.
[56]
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