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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:28:55 GMT -6
He trailed off. He had to take a deep breath, gather himself before he could speak again. "I know you, um, don't exactly want me... here." He motioned up and down the length of himself -- San's body -- then smiled, ruefully. "I mean, I'm relieved, don't get me wrong! I don't have a particular love of answering hard questions or anything! I just thought, you know, perfect opportunity to interrogate me. And, meaning no offense, you and San seem like the type who used to do a lot of interrogating. Mostly San, actually, but you worked together, so... I guess I was expecting something more... intense."
It was a long, awkward speech; not unusual for Seveth, though how much of what she knew of him was false, Rei could no longer be sure. Still, his discomfort seemed genuine, and thinking on it, she supposed his position wasn't an easy one to occupy.
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:30:15 GMT -6
For the first time, she wondered what it had been like for him, waking up in someone else's body. And with that thought came a slight pang of guilt at never having considered the notion sooner. After all, she was no stranger to finding herself adrift somewhere wholly unfamiliar.
She could have amended her question, changed it to something with more weight. He was clearly giving her the chance, even though it seemed to cause him some anxiety. He was offering her a choice -- and although they were otherwise nothing alike, in this she recognized a little of the same consideration that San had always taken pains to show her, whenever he could: that she should be free to choose, even if he would have to bear the consequences of her choice.
Rei sighed. It would have been so much simpler if she could simply go on seeing him as a stranger.
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:31:36 GMT -6
But no, they were past that, and this far into their stay in this city, it had become clear that the current situation would last at least some time, if not permanently. She held hope that there would yet be some means of extricating Seveth's presence from San, but presently they didn't have much to go on, and in the meantime everyone had adjusted to varying degrees out of necessity. It would have been childish to hold onto her initial dislike of him on no better grounds than the fact that he had transgressed into San's life.
"It's really fine if you need more time," Seveth said, but Rei shook her head.
"No," she said. "Tell me. Where did you learn?"
This time, Seveth studied her. He was surprised, still, but there was something else; the look in his eyes was more appraising. She wondered what sorts of conclusions he was drawing about her, even as she was reconsidering her impressions of him.
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:32:59 GMT -6
"Okay," he said. And then, again: "Okay." His brows knit together in thought, and his gaze slid off to the side. His head turned with it, and then the rest of him, until he was facing the ballroom again. "I can give you the short answer, which is that I learned it from a teacher who came to my home when I was young. But that's pretty boring, and if you're asking me this, I bet that's not what you really want to know, is it?"
He had turned away from her, so she could no longer study his expression, but Rei said nothing and merely settled in to listen.
"Let's see... My family was... let's say 'well-to-do'. I had a pretty classical education, actually. History, magic, the arts -- singing, painting, instruments. I was useless at most of it, though I'm actually a passably good singer, if you ever... Actually, nevermind." Seveth cleared his throat.
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:35:27 GMT -6
"My dancing instructor was this steel rod of an old lady, straight as a pole, even though she couldn't have been younger than sixty when she taught me. Not that she ever let her age stop her. It was like she never got tired; I don't think I ever even saw her out of breath. And if she saw me slouching, or if I took a misstep, she had this switch that she would use to correct it. I can almost still feel the sting."
Despite his words, his tone was fond; Rei thought he was probably smiling. It surprised her to learn that he had been subjected to corporal punishment as a child. But the practice wasn't uncommon in Xinzhou, and clearly there was some variation in the kinds of people it produced. Even within the Watchful Ones, among the agents taken in as children, that had been true.
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:37:33 GMT -6
"She was a good dancer though," Seveth said. "And a good teacher, if I'm any indication. I wasn't ever a popular choice, but I never embarrassed anyone at a ball either. Not with my dancing, anyway."
Rei considered his words. "You said you weren't very happy. Was your family unhappy?"
Seveth laughed, though there was something startled in it -- and then, at the end, some harsh note she couldn't place. "Are you asking me that as one of your questions?" he said.
"No."
"Then I think I'll decline to answer that one."
Silence fell again, though this time Seveth made no attempt to break it. Rei should have expected this; she had known that she was treading on uncomfortable territory, and the Watchful Ones had an unspoken rule against exactly this sort of prying into the pasts of your fellow agents. Seveth simply hadn't seemed like someone who might have had skeletons in his closet.
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:40:36 GMT -6
But, she reminded herself, he was here because he had died young. No, that wasn't quite right; he was here because he had planned for it, even if not very well. He had known that his life was in danger, and near the end he had enough sense to give instructions to Ichaival. The dragon had done the work, but they must have laid the foundation for it together.
"What was it like coming back?"
She hadn't meant to ask, but now that the words were spoken, she didn't take her second question back either. She was curious, despite herself. And perhaps she was not kind, despite her decision to stop holding onto her dislike of him; he had given her the knife willingly, so she had turned it on him.
But he seemed to expect it this time, or at least he didn't startle again in a way that Rei could make out.
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:42:09 GMT -6
"You really don't pull your punches, do you?" Seveth said, but he didn't sound angry, only a little weak. "Hmm. I'm guessing you're cashing in on our deal with this one, so… Well, it was mostly just disorienting at first. I think we must both get seasick, or maybe this is one of those things where it's just the body, and not one of us or the other. I think you remember what it was like on the ship."
Before she had known. "Yes," she said.
"I didn't know if I was dreaming. They say you see visions, at the end. I thought I was still dying, or having some kind of bad trip." He paused here, then said abruptly, "You know, you don't really have a sense of time passing. There's no... I don't know how long it's been. Chai wouldn't tell me. One minute I'm putting the knife in, and then--"
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Post by Linyü on Feb 18, 2023 22:43:13 GMT -6
A sharp intake of breath, and a sharp exhale. Seveth's hands, which had been wringing together white-knuckled, now dug their fingers into the flesh of his arms.
Rei waited.
Softly, Seveth said, "I know I sound ungrateful. And I'm not, really I'm not. I'm happy to be alive, even if I'm only awake half the time. It's time I wasn't supposed to have, right? But sometimes... I can't look in the mirror without feeling sick anymore. About the only thing that's still the same is the fact that I'm a man. I wasn't even Xin. Xinzhou is on the other side of the continent from where I grew up." His head was bent, and his hands had unwound themselves so he could study them, palms up and fingers splayed. "You don't really think about all the things that make up the... the physicality of you, until you no longer have them. I don't know. I never thought about it, anyway. I don't know if it's different for you, but where I came from, you generally didn't think about dying."
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Post by Jack on Mar 4, 2023 19:24:36 GMT -6
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